Is it possible to save our marriage with loving-kindness?
But loving-kindness — maitri — toward ourselves doesn’t mean getting rid of anything. Maitri means that we can still be crazy after all these years. We can still be angry after all these years. We can still be timid or jealous or full of feelings of unworthiness. The point is not to try to change ourselves.
~Pema Chödrön~
As I got my new book yesterday afternoon; The Wisdom Of No Escape by Pema Chördön, I immediately read it this morning. I must say that Pema Chördön explains the art of loving-kindness and mindfulness in a beautiful way, easy to understand, and I can relate to almost every story that she wrote in the book.
I love how she explains how we should befriend with ourselves. Reading this book opened my mind about accepting our true selves deeply. How we shouldn’t be afraid of our negative side, but to observe.
Loving-kindness. Love is kind. Love is understanding. Love is peace.
When our loved ones are not giving us kindness, understanding, and peace, we need to observe and think. Is it really so, or is it our mind that creates the judgment?
Do we really need someone else to give us what we need, or it’s actually already within us, and we just need to embrace it?
I was fascinated by Milarepa’s story in chapter 3 of the book. Milarepa who once was a murderer then looked for a master teacher and became a teacher himself and took on the responsibility of training others.
I relate this story to forgiveness.
More and more couples separates these days. Most of them believe that they no longer love each other, or their partner can’t make them happy. But, will they live a happier life with a new partner?
I believe that a happy couple needs to work on themselves first; to accept who they are as human beings, to love their authentic self fully before they can love their partner.
If Milarepa, who was a murderer, could turn into a teacher, how can we not accept our negativity and turn it into something great?
For me, there must be a story behind every action. Either from the subconscious or the conscious mind. Once we observe and think, we realize the roots of the problem. Then we could befriend and work together with our negative emotions because that is what makes us humans.
A loving partner who once a while become drunk might have their own story deep down in their heart that they need to observe and accept with love, to be able to let go and live peacefully with it.
By understanding and accepting the roots of our behavior, why and what makes us do things the way we do; we will no longer be blaming, judging, and be resentful toward each other.
Instead, being open to who we are, what made us until today, accepting and loving ourselves and our partner for who they are, we will gain the trust and a stronger foundation to build our relationship.
Whatever it is, the good and the bad side of us, that what makes us humans who deserve love.
