3 Advices For A Wife To Build A Stronger And Healthier Marriage Foundation
“Man may have discovered fire, but women discovered how to play with it.”
~Candace Bushnell~
How long have you been married? How’s your marriage life? If you open this article, I congratulate you for being an open-minded person who wants to have a better relationship with your partner.
Do you agree with me, by saying “Yes, I do” means we are signing our contract to make our marriage work? It’s the beginning, not the end. It turns out there’s a lot of things we have to do to make the marriage work. When the truth does not look like our dream, should we give up or should we work on it?
I was telling my stories and strategies for the 2021 lead the masses summit; on how I build my company together with my husband, and Jessica T Moore was stopping me and asked me to explain more about how did I manage to build the company and a stronger relationship and asked me to share the secret.
I realize that as a wife, we sometimes ask ourselves: “In a relationship, is only love enough?” We know that we love each other, but we feel like from time to time we are no more than a housemate to our husband. We know the relationship has changed; we may be blinded by what our culture believes that the longer the marriage, the more security we feel about each other, love will never be the same anymore, desire and intimacy will change.
People might think I am crazy to tell you that love, desire, and intimacy should remain the same, from the first day you fall in love until the end of your life.
Love is love, and it will never vanish but grows stronger, ONLY IF you let it happen.
It’s ridiculous how many women think “it might be because they are not pretty enough; their breast or butt is not big enough to make their partner stay in love and be romantic.” The same ridiculous thing that men are thinking “maybe their penis is not big or long enough, that’s why their wife is always complaining, nagging, and not happy.” Stop wasting time thinking about it, and let’s get to the point.
Here is the advice that I use to build a stronger marriage foundation:
1.Be The Authentic You
Stop wishing to live someone else’s life, to have someone else’s body. Just be you. Be the best version of yourself. Be proud of yourself, do whatever it takes to be confident by being you.
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
~Carl Gustav Jung~
Ask your partner why did he want to marry you in the first place? Why you?
Silver told me that the way I laugh caught his eye and made him want to get to know me better, and by the time he knew me, he loved my big heart and the fact that I am a strong-willed person.
I will not become a “yes, my dear” person just because I am a wife. I’ll keep doing things that will make me happier. Guess what? When I am happy, I’ll laugh easily, and the whole house will get my positive energy.
Happiness is contagious. When you feel happy, you are confident with yourself, you’ll attract your partner to amaze you all the time, and he will feel happy.
Don’t you want to make him wonder, “what did he do to deserve a woman like you?”
Build yourself, especially the inner part of you. Your clothes and bags will not save your marriage, but your attitude will.
2.Communication
Oh, yes. Communication. How good can you communicate with your partner? Do you know how to communicate, telling him what you need without being needy?
“Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.”
~Fyodor Dostoevsky~
“You never say that you love me anymore! You look at me with different eyes! You never hug me, never look at me in the eye, you don’t care about me, you don’t love me the way you loved me before, you don’t notice my new dress…” was all my lines in my early marriage.
It’s not working. It didn’t give me what I wanted.
Just this morning, Silver pulled my hand, hugged me tightly, kissed me on my forehead, and he told me, “I love you very much. I love you more and more.”
I looked at him, and he said, “I love how you keep making me laugh with your jokes.”
I need him to look at me with his lovely eyes; I need him to say “I love you,” I need him to show me how much he loves me, and I got them all because now I know how to communicate better.
I can talk everything with Silver, all the things without worrying he will judge me or think that I am crazy. In fact, the crazier he thinks I am, the better. :)
We talk nice way, dirty way, naughty way, which will make our communication better.
No more judgment, only more desire and intimacy.
3.Sex
In Indonesia, it’s taboo to talk about sex. Sex is a sin. One couldn’t talk about sex unless you have a degree in sexology. But heck, who will need a degree to have great sex with their partner? You don’t have to be a doctor to know how to live a healthier life, do you?
“We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it’s a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.”
~Marilyn Monroe~
Where sex comes from, if not from the journey to love? Love is within human beings. Sex is sacral, and it is the energy of love.
Look at sex as a part of your love. Build your sex life as much as you want to build your relationship. By understanding sex is sacral; lovemaking is the experience of oneness, we will not look at sex as a bad thing.
Some days ago, a friend of mine was adding me to the alumni group. The messages keep coming. In the beginning, I was thinking there might be a reunion coming, so I stayed. At one point, they were discussing the actress sex scandal. I didn’t want to poison my mind, so I left the group.
It’s a thirst for a great sex life that makes people talk about the scandal, and because it’s a taboo, no one really gives the right direction and answer, so the only answer they can find is through porn movies or some sex scandals like that. That’s what ruins the image of sex.
Clean your glasses and look at sex from clear glasses. Sex is something we need to learn and understand to have a stronger marriage life. Sex is one of the ways you show your love to your partner. It’s beautiful. It’s pure love.
As you build your communication with your partner, communicate, talk about sex. What sensation did you have while making love with him, how do you feel, what do you want, how can both of you improve your sex life. Be open to sex, be fun, be extraordinary; talk about it just like you talk about “what’s for dinner?”
Once you mastered the skills of being authentic you, how to communicate, and how to master your sex life, you are no longer thirsty for other people’s marriage problems. Instead, you’ll see it as a lesson for not taking love for granted.
